Sunday Morning Thoughts: 3.11.18

I wonder, and you are welcome to wonder with me, whether it is proper in this life to weed out the good habits from the bad and place them in some prominence while the others are destroyed. Or at least covered up.

What I mean to suggest, is whether there is not some merit to holding on to bad habits. Perhaps, there might even be great potential to some, all depending on the make or model.

It would certainly be something that would benefit yours truly. To justify the bad habits by pulling from them some positive influence. I have no shortage. Some habits of mine stem from further back than I can remember, though many of the ones that might seem negative developed as this life has moved along. Which lends to suggest that there might even be more to come.

What do you think? Is all just plain as day? Black and white and all that? The good be the good and the bad be just that and always opposing?

You’re welcome to tell me what you think, but for now, I ramble. Which could be seen as one of those bad habits. There have certainly been teachers of mine who have said so about a paper here and there. But to be fair, they were the ones and went ahead required that I write about something that did not totally captivate my interest. So, shame on them.

But bad habits make the man. They are part of the greater tapestry where not just duality occurs, but many shapes and shades between. The shadows bring forth the light. Contrast creates the definitive lines in our personality. All the wrinkles are your own.

I suppose I should use some examples. Hard to pick just one. As far as I’m aware a few nasty habits jump into mind.

For one, I’m lazy.

It’s true. Perhaps it is only considered such to myself and not compared to the lethargy of others but far too often I find myself feeling idle while some instance or opportunity slips through my hands. So many times I have wallowed about inaction when moves needed be made.

This goes into my far from perfect modes of time management. Which works on a few levels. To start, I can spend time in vast amounts on tasks nowhere near and nothing like the set objective. It is fascinating how much attention can be paid to something that doesn’t need attention. Reshaping a paperclip into a whole sort of things. Or reading the label on some sort of manufactured good that has never before peaked anywhere near such interest. To focus on anything else as though it were going to make the deadline disappear. But as the great Douglas Adams said, “I love deadlines. I like the whoosing noise they make as the go by.”

I also, far too often, set absurd objectives for myself.

Obsessive, as well. Terribly so, with certain things. Specifically, I find myself most infuriated with my social media almost addiction. And you have no idea how much it pains me to say so. But hours upon hours have been wasted, scrolling through what I could not possibly care about were it not right in front of me. Either by design of the product or by my own weakness, the urge is always present to check my goddamn phone. And that doesn’t even include the time spent see what an ex-girlfriend or whatever is doing with her life. Funny how they can seem more attractive now that they hate you.

There are more negative ways in which I live, but we’ll start the turn around here.

So, hours upon hours wasted on unnecessary tasks or synthesized reverie regarding who gives a fuck’s new post.

But that is not the only way wandering the unrequired rabbit holes go.

A fresh example for you.

In March, I march in parades. Deadass. And yesterday was the parade for this town that I generally despise. Hoping for the best, expecting the worst- I ended up somewhere in between. That being said, what the day produced may not have come by other means.

So dig. I drink before, during and after said parade. Over such a period of time, chemical reactions get felt. Feel me? Before the sun went down, whatever I hoped might happen was not and instead of trying to relocate the group I was with earlier, I took a cab home by myself. At the time, I was feeling unfulfilled and unenthused. Thankfully the Uber driver was an actual human being and up for some banter. We talked about Latin music. It was grand.

And before night fell upon that day, I was asleep in my own bed and remained there for hours. I hardly even gave into the phone addiction, with only a few generally undamaging messages within the ether of post parade.

Now, the problem with that for someone like me is that I don’t sleep that much. So when I wake up at midnight, I’m wide awake. And what in the fuck are you to do then?

But fret not, something came from all this.

I managed to write a song which I did not hate then and do not hate upon reflection this morning. And that is a good thing because one of those whoosing-by deadlines I set for myself is to have more songs written and recorded and released online by a certain date. As it stands, I do not have as many songs as I wanted and the amount of days left just went from double to single.

Now whether the specifics of that are met, is not as important as what has been coming from the attempt. Having the goal is allowing certain ideas to flow out. As happened last night. Sure, it slowed down the start of today and changes my whole plan, but from what I was thinking was a less-than-good to bad day, came forth something that pushes my heart in the right direction.

Yet, it may just be one of my good habits, to make light of the bad. And that bad habits are just that and should not be praised or even deemed ‘alright’.

But fuck that. I stand by my shortcomings, as they are mine and make me as unique as any human being can be from all the rest of the decaying organic matter of the world. And if I’m being honest, the puritan type jive isn’t for me. Because one does not need to be malicious just to be occasionally without benevolence. And what a catharsis it is, to here and there not give a fuck.

It could be boiled down to balance, as everything in the universe is allegedly getting after. But I tend to stray away from such ideas. A true balance doesn’t tip or teeter. It is even. It is natural. It is boring as all hell.

Roller coasters, now those are fun. Especially those parts where it goes really high to really low, really quickly. Those are the parts that make you feel alive.

So, I don’t know. Don’t strangle your bad habits. Just learn how to lead them. But hop a fence every once in a while. Or something like that. It’s good for you.

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