There’s a word bouncing around the ol’ noggin as I sit here, attempting to squeeze some meaning out of the evening. It has been all over the means of electronic connectivity today, so its residence in my current mind is not lacking in sense. Though, I must confess the current expression of the word is not exactly coinciding with what it pulls forth in my mind. Strange, as today had the word tossed around regarding a celestial occurrence that will strike this general area of the planet I call home never again in my lifetime. Eclipses and such. Their timelines match up horribly with non-nomadic human beings.

But none of those words are the word that rattles about my skull.

That word is totality. Top hashtag of the day, I’d bet. In an area the news said had thirty million or so souls residents of it.

A simple word. Perhaps that’s what my ego struggles with about it. That I only wish to find some flowery and drawn-out representation of such a succinct idea. All sound and fury, but no dice, etc.

Yet, I suppose the idea isn’t void of complexity, in its neat, precise way. The whole of something. That’s what the internet set as the definition. Though, my dumb ass might argue that the whole of something, is still part of some larger whole. And from there, trundle my way into an existential well I know all too well. The whole of something. Seems impossible- and that’s only me considering it in three dimensions. You know, space and such. Fuck off about time. The whole of something as it exists, had already existed as, and as it is yet to exist. I guess that’s why so many human paths eventually find themselves another word when the math gets too high. Various gods, nirvana, and so on, etc. Think your way about existing for long enough in one sitting, and some omni-everything being pulling the strings in a way preferred by the user, or at least conditioned to believe, starts to sound real nice.

Christ, am I right?

Calmed myself down a bit, though. Old trick of mine. A move battle hardened by a few of us born around the end of history. I walked my way over to the other room. The one with all the books. Grabbed the one that tells me what words mean. Found its stance much more agreeable.

The quality or state of being total. An aggregate amount.

Sure, using the word to define the word is considered poor sport. But the idea feels better.

Or maybe I’m just a jackass trying to think too far into words used so often they can easily hold little meaning, in well played context. The whole truth.

I didn’t have much else to go with. The better habit of scratching out brief points and ideologies throughout the day had been in play. Up until today. So I mildly scrambled through some chores and dishes, with the endlessly growing list still ahead. And in my last bout of self-discipline for the day, I plopped myself here. To do this dance, yet again.

It was something, though. An insignificant rock, swinging just, just right in front of a solar furnace to cast a shadow on the mossy rock in between. That moist rock we all call home.

The occult, both of analog ages past and todays tragic technologically fed sort, love these types of things. And I get it. Images of the fantastic to better explain away our own insignificance, while weaving stories to occupy tragically bored minds? Sign me up.

The generally pop-mystical folks I’m sure play with ideas around the dance of our local heavenly bodies. In fact, I know they do. And they might be on to something. These are big, powerful things when compared to us, and all sorts of energies, and particles and who knows how many other yet undefined means of cosmic transfer and movement are in flux and fluctuation all the time. Likely more so when more unique happenstance such as today wind their way to the forefront.

But all in all, things like that can just make one feel plain small. And pull from where ever, the symbols that make sense or comfort, even if it is by provoking imaginary dread. Beyond the struggle to continue and into the real of stressed perseverance. If oblivion is the only destiny, ponder purpose then.

Look at me. Turning a solar eclipse into an ego trip. Some act.