It is far later than I usually start these. I just made a coffee. Horrible idea for the attempt at a regular sleep cycle, if such a mythical thing has even ever existed to begin with. Maybe this is just me enjoying my vacation time, no matter what guilt always seems to revolve around such periods.

I’ve come to call these spells off from work as sabbaticals. It’s a stolen term. And it’s not all so dramatic as I make it seem, but I’ve always had a bit of the theatric around my general perspectives. Forgive me, if you will.

It is not for a lack of output that I find myself uncertain of each word that is to follow. I’ve been busy, busy, busy, and so on. Starting more projects while all the others seem to remain just as unfinished as each last time they were encountered. The struggle of being a spur of the moment creative while formatted in at least a somewhat scheduled life. But I probably don’t need to tell you that, dear reader. I doubt that you are some world-renowned literary critic (assuming there are still such things). You are likely, if not a person friend, someone who in their leisure time navigates this particular website for long thought amateur ramblings.

But as always, I could be wrong.

Yet, your humble narrator has been about in discussion these last few days. Among other expressive activities, but always the conversating in the moments among and between. Discussions of the state of lives exact to each personality, and the greater species as a whole. Nationalistically, cosmically, historically, artistically, etc. Point, and purpose, and meaning. All combined with the plain desire for survival. Or its necessity. For without a person to reside in, what home would all this inquiry find for shelter? Just thoughts, bodiless, floating about what remains of existence once my own has been expended.

I think of the cost of not compromising. And the cost of being a lighthouse for the folks one might encounter of varying degrees of lost. And the hypocrisy with knowing you are no less lost, and certainly not qualified for any certified guidance.

Nothing is off limits because everything must be talked about. A record, just experienced by someone else for the first time, and that is how I choose to describe it.  

I’m having some difficulty digging into this personality I’ve made for these thought experiments. Being that it is part of some large whole I call a self, it is always present, but he seems aloof this evening. Perhaps he is supposed to be.

In the light of my front porch light, I talked with two beloved souls about performance. Another portion of my personality, who you might have met. Always a good time, but he comes with his costs. And that was the main vein of that conversation. Of employing the aspects of self that lets us, in this particular instance, express ourselves in an outward, sonic manner that is hopefully, in some way resonant with anyone within ear shot.

For my part, I spoke of my stage sword and shield. A bandana and guitar, to better fight off the serpents residing inside the reclusive ordinary. And with these weapons, this show of myself I occasionally make has grown, strangely, maybe, more potent and honest. Not an attempt at deflection, but a hyper focus of singular aspects. A reduction of the other muck of existence, to tap into, if at least temporarily, into something so honest in continues to defy ever being succinctly explicable.

Or, my cynicism seductively suggests, an act so great that the guise is proven effective even upon the original caster.  

Either way, I don’t intend to assert this intellectual shovel against some massive stone. Not tonight. Perhaps tomorrow, the way around may become something akin to clairvoyant. Or even still this evening, but this stage is spent. Might be something massive and cataclysmic for next time. I hadn’t the solitude today, or the day before, or tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, to get at it in these methods.

So, I’ll nod to my dedication and discipline for arriving here again. For the consistency. And bid farewell, for now. These are the thoughts I can muster for the evening. Ask me otherwise or at another time, if you still need more.